Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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