im holly from the hills drunk
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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