He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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