can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You don't make any sense
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