soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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