You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
