Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
