Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
