I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
