My sheets look like a crime scene.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
