If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
