If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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