just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
