hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
