Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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