I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize