Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
