If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
