Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
