I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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