Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
