I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize