One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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