We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Randomize
