So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
