Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize