Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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