Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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