Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
