nut hugger
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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