Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Is Oprah even human
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
