Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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