I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
