Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
