and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
