just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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