Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
