It's like God shit irony all over that family
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
