There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
