OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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