She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
