Tell her she can't have a vagina
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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