dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
