I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
