We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
