i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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