I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
