There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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