you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
