the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
