i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
