after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
