My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
