He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
