and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
