Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
