Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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