like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
