SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
