I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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