Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
