We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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