Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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