you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
