i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
