I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
