My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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