I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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