I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
