My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Alive.
So much puke
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
