i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
