i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
